Thursday, February 2, 2012

Why Don't They Just Adopt?

In watching the reaction to the news of the Susan G. Komen Foundation cutting off some funding to Planned Parenthood several things come to mind. But the biggest one is the accusation that pro-lifers are not there after the mother has the child. Nothing could be further from the truth. The pregnancy centers around the country provide not only pre-natal services but are there with diapers, formula, clothing and other services after the child is born.
Another accusation is “Why don’t these people adopt these children if they are so pro life?” That is not true, either. They are willing to adopt these children but many roadblocks are put in their way. Please allow me to tell what has happened in my family regarding adoption.
In 1984 my husband and I decided to start our family. We first checked with the local adoption agencies to see about adopting an American child. I called three different agencies and was told we could not even get on the waiting list for an American infant. It is then we decided to go for a foreign adoption. We did some checking around and settled on Korea. We began the process and went on to our home study, which is where they determine your fitness to be a parent. Things were going well until near the end. We were then told someone had called the agency we were using anonymously, albeit the wrong division as they called the domestic part rather than the foreign, and thoroughly accused us of being child abusers. I have long thought I would have liked to meet this person who made the phone call. We didn’t even have a child then. This tore me apart. Thankfully the agency after investigating, even though they didn’t take the call very seriously for several reasons, finally approved us as parents after having the home study lengthened by several weeks. Not to mention the added stress. We did finally complete the paperwork, complicated by having to deal with two different governments, and pay all the fees (only six thousand dollars back then). Our son arrived in October of 1984 to his forever home.
Fast forward to about two years ago. My nephew and his wife began to look into adoption. They quickly determined it was going to be simply too hard to try and get an American child with everything they found. They finally decided on Moldova, a small Eastern European country, to adopt their child. They had to go through a lot more than we did in parenting classes and other things to prepare and show the agency they would be ready for a child. The costs had also gone up substantially. Thousands of dollars are now involved. They also had to make two trip to Moldova, each ten days long. The first to meet their daughter and start court proceedings, the second to bring her home after completing things in the Moldovan Courts. A lot of work and stress are involved in a foreign adoption.
Right now our son and daughter in law have four children in their home through the foster care system. They have been there approaching a year and a half. They would love to adopt all four of them, but the state will not release them for adoption. It is a difficult situation as the kids have really gotten used to being in their home. The children receive a lot of love and a stable home situation right now. They are all doing very well.
Suffice it to say, I would like to see a system where the children are protected, but there has to be a way of making adoption cheaper and easier. The process can be a nightmare. People having to go with foreign adoptions because of the difficulty of the process here is a shame. There are children waiting for their forever homes but red tape makes it so difficult. We need to get these children into homes.