The Adoption Option

In different events going on the past few weeks, I neglected to write about a big event in our family life last month. June eighteenth our son Patrick turned twenty five years old. He was born four months before we actually met him as he is from Seoul, South Korea. It hardly seems possible it has been that long. Adoption has played a big role on my side of the family.
It all started with my father, Walt Wingeier. He was adopted by my grandparents, Alex and Edwina Wingeier, very shortly after birth. A few years later they adopted my Uncle Clare. I never suspected adoption played a role in the family until my other grandmother slipped and said something about it one day when I was middle school age. I really don’t know why the fact of the adoption was kept so quiet. Of course this lead to questioning my mother when I got home and it was confirmed. It didn’t make a difference in any of the relationships in the family. Grandpa and Grandma were still just that, Daddy was still Daddy. I later found out at least one of my cousins was adopted. It didn’t make a difference, they were still my cousins. Nothing would change any of this and the love was still there. There are other members of my family who are also adopted. My step-mother once commented she had married into the most adopting family when she married Daddy.
We knew when we married in 1980 having our own children was not an option. Once my diagnosis of Turners Syndrome came down when I was eighteen the deal was pretty much sealed. Now, with the advent of new technologies, it is possible for Turners ladies to have children but the risk involved has to weigh in on the decision. It is deemed a high risk pregnancy by doctors due to small stature. That along with the expense involved in going the “in vitro” route for children can make it a difficult decision. Terry and I decided before we even walked down the aisle adoption was going to be the way our family would be built. I will always be thankful this fact wasn’t a deal buster for our engagement. I will always be thankful for my beloved late mother in law for helping in this matter.
It was after three years of marriage we decided to begin checking into adoption options. I made several calls to agencies about domestic adoption. We weren’t even able to get on to any waiting lists at that time, at least for infants. We began to check into foreign adoptions. We finally settled on going through Bethany Christian Services here in Grand Rapids. We attended an informational meeting in Muskegon, Michigan on a cold, blustery winter day. We walked around and looked at the information but I think mostly at the pictures of the children who were waiting in orphanages or who had come home to their families here in the states. After leaving the meeting our decision was sealed to go ahead with things. Thus began this part of the journey to Patrick joining our family.
We made out the preliminary application and were assigned a social worker. We began our home study for them to determine if we would be fit parents. It was supposed to be four meetings with two of them with us together and then each of us alone with the social worker. Things were going smoothly until the last meeting. We walked in expecting things to be pretty much done as far as being approved by the agency. Not so fast!! Our social worker informed us an anonymous phone call had come to the domestic part of the Bethany agency attempting to turn us both in as child abusers. They had said everything an agency wouldn’t want to hear about us during the phone call. The party speaking kept using the phrase, “My friend says”, during the litany of accusations so the Bethany person asked to speak directly to the accuser. This quickly ended the phone call when the speaker said, “My friend says I’ve talked too long”, and promptly hung up. Due to the nature of the call the agency didn’t really put a whole lot of credence in it but we still had to be more thoroughly checked out by the agency which of course added a lot of stress. We finally finished our home study and began our wait to hear about the child who would become ours. I still have mixed feelings about anonymous phone calls to agencies to this day. There are still times I shiver to think how close we came to having things stopped in their tracks. We thank God this didn’t torpedo things before they really began. He was good to us through everything.
We had been told not to expect any action on an assignment until around November of 1984. The call came in early September!!! Would we like to adopt a little boy? Are you kidding?! We met with the social worker to see pictures of OUR SON. He became ours immediately when we saw the pictures from the orphanage. You think we were on Cloud Nine? You better believe it!! Things moved quickly and we met our son at Detroit Metro Airport in late October 1984. This was also quicker than expected. We still talk about meeting the “Silver Stork” that morning. Our journey of parenting began at the moment they placed Pat in my arms along with forgiveness to the person who tried to put a stop to this intimate moment.
Would I recommend adoption? You bet! Is parenting a child biologically not your own easy? Is raising any child easy? We have had the same ups and downs of any parent the past twenty five years. Were there moments we wanted to commit murder? Thank God we didn’t. Patrick has matured into a fine young man who has a beautiful wife. They have both made us very proud and we love them very much. Our family has been built on love and adoption from way back. Thank God for it.